I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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