he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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