You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
