You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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