how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
