if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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