Sober January is a disaster.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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