I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
