a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
