I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I did not marry a roomba.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
