I wish I only lived at night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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