We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
