I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
