it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
