He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
