Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
