i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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