help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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