ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
