Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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