Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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