Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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