Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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