Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
