I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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