if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
