were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
