Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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