Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
