new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
