Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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