Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
