she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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