Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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