I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
