i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
