You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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