What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
