# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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