FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
