we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
