Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
