so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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