Your dad touched me again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
