Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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