I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
