hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
