You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
