We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
