she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
