Where did you get a picture of my penis
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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